The Off-colored Officer - A Logical Reply-Explanation to Zee Avi's Kantoi


I am tempted to do this. It is the end of semester break and I have nothing to do (else). So here's a verse-by-verse reply-explanation to the lyrics of Zee Avi's Manglish song "Kantoi".

Semalam I call you, you tak answer
You kata you keluar pergi dinner
You kata you keluar dengan kawan you
But when I call Tommy he said it wasn't true

The logic:
The guy (in the song) couldn't possibly have only one friend, which is Tommy. He might also have Jimmy, Andy, Larry, and Scotty to his stable of friends where he occasionally hangs out with for a bite. And Tommy didn't know about it (the going out for a dinner thing) because he wasn't invited, or something.

The solution:
Call the guy's other friends who might have been with him having dinner.

So I drove my car pergi Damansara
Tommy kata maybe you tengok bola
Tapi bila I sampai you tak ada
Lagi lah I jadi gila

The logic:
Damansara is not the only place where people hang out to watch football/soccer matches. Maybe the guy went to Bangsar, or Hartamas, or Petaling Jaya, or Subang Jaya.

The solution:
Install a tracking device on the guy. There is simply limitless possibility as to where exactly did the guy went to watch EPL.

So I called and called sampai you answer
You kata: "Sorry sayang tadi tak dengar"
"My phone was on silent. I was at the gym"
Tapi latar belakang suara perempuan lain

The logic:
I am pretty sure that if you go to any good gym here in Malaysia, they will have one or two female instructors. You know, maybe for pilates class, or yoga, or aerobic. So when the girl called the guy, and she heard a woman's voice in the background, that could have just been the voice of some female instructor at the gym handling her class or something. Or it could have possibly been the television. The guy had just finished working out so went to the lounge area (where the gym could possibly have a TV) to chill out a bit where only then he realized that his girlfriend has been trying to reach him like mad.

The solution:
Read this carefully: tracking device.

But then:
IF it is true that he was at the gym.

One Day Holiday - Zee Délicieuse Miss Avi

*One Day Holiday is an unscheduled, published-whenever-I-feel-like-it column for Hafeez, a resident blogger for this blog. This column is centered mostly around music and random stuff that ranges from the coherent to the absolutely absurd.



Perhaps as random as my thoughts are going to be in this blog, it is reckon-able for me to keep track of all my thunderous blundering globs of meticulously unrefined train of thoughts I call rubbish words. Rubbish words it is because I find that with each passing day, I find my words to grow more unreliable and more more more idiotic. Like Rapid KL - lots of promise when they first rolled the wheel, many years down the well-traveled road and they are all a huge metallic piece of junk. As if I use Rapid KL anymore these days now that I have a car.

Talking about car reminds me of the impending doom of trudging lengthily down a third of the length of the North-South highway this coming Friday, or Saturday. (Exhales heavily) The Eid Mubarak used to be such a momentous occasion that calls for a jolly celebration. Like really jolly kind of celebration. That was then when Eid Mubarak means going to relatives and friends' houses, eating fancy foods and drink hyper-sweetened colored drinks, and getting that single most valuable piece of envelope of all - duit raya. That was then when I get to travel every single course of road available throughout Peninsula Malaysia, passing through green hills and breathtaking forests and enchanting little towns and hamlets while sitting in the passenger seat, all safe and snug and sound and comfortable, oblivious about fuel and tolls and driving, without any care towards the world. Haah, childhood is awesome.

Now though, I am dreading upon the idea that I will have to do the driving all 3 million miles from South (no, not really. I think it is more of being north of the south) to North. 8 hours, several toll booths, possibly 3 times refuelling pitstop, and a prospect of marvelous boredom of having my sister as co-pilot and the blaring absence of an FM stereo. I have been thinking of fitting my car with a CD player but considering that a full service (a must before any long 'balik kampung' exodus) and a tire change will in total cost me a fortune, an arm, a leg, and RM600 on bills, the idea is no longer a plausible one. Even bigger a waste because I have been thinking of popping Zee Avi's not that new anymore debut release into my brand new CD player while charging up the PLUS to Alor Star (or Alor Staq, depending on your point of view).

In my old deleted blog, in my review of the album, I couldn't make up my mind because it coincides with my listening to Mastodon's Crack the Skye, the album that I officially hold as the best album of the year 2009 so far. The jarring differences in quality (of the material delivered) between the two albums are too much that I cannot allocate listening to both at the same time. Mastodon punches me in my face, kicked me in my stomach and my nether region, dropped a tonne load of bricks onto me, and burned me alive, and I thank them gratefully. I have never listened to an album that is so intense, so powerful, so over-bearing, it was God-mighty awesome.

Alas, that was Mastodon. So Zee Avi... again. Hopefully I'll be able to listen to the album with a clear head and a clear conscience. (During this Raya break) Maybe Raya will be slightly cheerful to the fun-derful giddy hopscotch of a ukelele-wielding star-in-the-making Sarawakian. Maybe Raya will be a bit meaningful with 'Kantoi' cheering my empty wallet up. Hopefully because right now I'm still listening to the album that crushed me to death.